THE AGGRESSIVE STANCE // Type 3
AGGRESSIVE STANCE (3's, 7's & 8's) are oriented against the actions of others.
Type Threes put the Centers of Intelligence into three categories:
THINKING (dominant)
DOING (supportive)
FEELING (repressed)
Threes are more complex than the rest of the aggressive stance because they are in the middle of the Feeling Triad, so their feeling center is dominant and repressed at the same time.
That means Threes take in information and see the world through the feeling center, but they do not respond or process with feelings. They respond, instead, with thinking & doing. Consequently, they are able to read other people’s feelings, needs, expectations and motives, but it is centered around their own image and how they are being perceived by others, so they are able to "flip off" their feelings in order to reach their goals.
In other words, their awareness of others' feelings around them has little to do with the other people, and mostly stems from a desire to meet their own needs and make sure they're seen how they want to be seen.
While Threes can be seen as very personable and easily liked, they can be inwardly aloof because they don't process their own feelings but push them aside instead in order to "relate" to others as long as possible. However, this results in the tendency for a Three to misread others' feelings because they aren't processing their own.
As a result, their repressed feeling center causes them to become quickly bored and impatient when others are expressing their feelings. Threes suspend their feelings, setting them aside in their effort to be productive, efficient and ultimately successful.
Threes, when you leave out feelings, you dismiss the importance of feelings and interpersonal relationships. Become more aware of your feelings so you don't miss out on the rich connections that can aid your in your search for authenticity.
Okay Threes...do not lose hope! Let's talk about some ways Threes can develop their Feeling Center and become more balanced.
GROWTH POINTS FOR THREES:
Become more aware of your feelings! Don't miss out on the rich connections that can aid your in your search for authenticity!
Name your feelings and "hold" them! – they are yours and they are a meaningful part of you!
Ask yourself "What am I feeling?" during your daily routines. This will help you stay in touch with your feelings during the times you tend to set them aside during the day.
Practice writing down your feelings at the end of each day!!!
Be present in situations that you can't fix or control.
Have follow up conversations - to see how others felt, not if you fixed the situation!
Spouse or someone who cares for a Three: lead them to discuss how certain situations made them feel. Be patient with them when kindly letting them know how they made you feel. They may not see it!
RESOURCES:
davidstamile.com / "Aggressive Stance: Threes"
theenneagramjourney.org / podcast episode 59 "The Enneagram & Repressed Centers"
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