THE WITHDRAWING STANCE // Type 9
WITHDRAWING STANCE (4's, 5's & 9's) are oriented to the past, what is comfortable and within themselves.
Type Nines put the Centers of Intelligence into three categories:
FEELING or THINKING (dominant)
THINKING or FEELING (supportive)
DOING (repressed)
For Nines, one center of intelligence is always more advanced than the other, so either feeling or doing is at least slightly more dominant at any given point in a nines life.
Nines are always doing something, it's just not what needs to get done, therefore they are "Doing Repressed." They know what needs to get done, but they are so easily distracted that it doesn't occur to them to actually DO it!
Nines tend to engage on a superficial level by "preferred doing" which means that they are always aware of their energy output. They tend to use most of this energy performing at "work" (whatever this looks like) and separates work time from at home/vacation time. They believe that "their time" is their own and prefer to only do what they enjoy and do what gives them the peace they crave.
Their feelings are shown through their ability to get along with just about anybody. They are generally the most likeable number on the Enneagram, going along with the desires of others and merging with them in their endeavors. They tend to live vicariously through their marriage partners and family members in a way other numbers cannot, as a way to create peace. They push aside their own feelings & desires, becoming numb to them.
Unfortunately, this avoidance dulls their doing center of intelligence in a way that has affected the whole center, rendering them generally docile. Nines fundamental desire for peace creates the compulsion to be indirect and passive-aggressive when dealing with life’s pressures and to be friendly but non-personal in dealing with people. Instead, Nines need to realize that being vulnerable will threaten your peace, as deep relationships always do, but it will also bring you life!
Okay Nines...do not lose hope! Let's talk about some ways Nines can develop their Doing Center and become more balanced.
GROWTH POINTS FOR NINES:
Realize/understand the difference between FEELING & THINKING - once the two are separated, Nines can think productively about their feelings and identify what actions they might be avoiding out of a desire to avoid afflictive emotions and maintain an artificial peace.
SHOW UP when you'd rather check out! You need to stop withdrawing, especially when conflicts arise, and learn to engage instead! Your feelings and opinions matter, and avoiding a conflict with just lead to more conflict in the future. It's okay to be uncomfortable!
Practice ACTIVE listening - really make an effort to engage in conversations instead of checking out.
Learn to ENGAGE in stillness - this doesn't mean sitting still (Nines are already good at that!); this means a conscious effort to really know yourself and engage in those parts of you that you've set aside - your needs, your feelings, your thoughts, your desires. This awareness will drive you to truly engage in the world around you!
Take time at the end of each day to journal - write down your feelings and opinions; how did today make you feel?
Ask yourself "Is this mine to do?" If it is not, let it go!
Make a list and ask others to help you PRIORITIZE!
Spouse or loved one of a Nine: encourage your Nine to express themselves and their opinions, and when they do, cheer them on! Lovingly help them prioritize their day and don't take it personally when things don't get done. Be patient, encouraging and kind when they do express themselves, allowing them to work through their thoughts without feeling pressured. They will only "show up" if they feel confident and that they can trust you!
RESOURCES:
davidstamile.com / "Withdrawing Stance: Nines"
theenneagramjourney.org / podcast episode 59 "The Enneagram & Repressed Centers"
Comentários