THE DEPENDENT STANCE // Type 1 DEPENDENT STANCE (1's, 2's & 6's) are oriented to the actions of others.
Type Ones put the Centers of Intelligence into three categories:
DOING (dominant)
FEELING (supportive)
THINKING (repressed)
Ones see the world through their dominant DOING CENTER - they process what they see with doing, then feeling, therefore their thinking center is repressed.
Ones "think" primarily about the conversations that they have with their "inner critic," which tends to go on all day! Defensive conversation with a voice inside your head is not "productive" thinking!
Because of their internal critic, Ones tend to judge themselves too harshly and only see themselves as good when they are doing, working, or improving. When they are not doing, they are often perfecting their performance in their head, which feels like thinking, but it is not productive thinking - it is “busyness” or compulsion.
Left unchecked, these internal judgements can cause their mental/physical activity become unhealthy compulsions, coming from feelings of inadequacy and a deep seeded unspoken/unaware belief that they have no value unless they can perfect, reform, or achieve!
Ones are not emotional people by nature, but because their feeling center supports their doing center, they tend to have feelings about their behavior and the behavior of others (usually more than the people themselves!). Unfortunately, this can take the form of self-righteous assurance that they "do it right." When things don’t go according to plan Ones do not do well because they are emotionally attached to their behavior.
Okay Ones...do not lose hope! Let's talk about some ways Ones can develop their Thinking Center and become more balanced.
GROWTH POINTS FOR ONES:
Identify an area where your judgmental voice is generally present in your life. You will find this any time your internal critic is completely against you! Any line of thought that is totally critical of you is not true thinking! When you catch this voice criticizing you, take a deep breath, and pay attention to your jaw, stomach, and upper back in the shoulders. Is there tightness there? Anger manifests itself in these places. Continue to be mindful your body and allow it to relax. Then ask yourself a question like, "Is this behavior really how others see me?"
Name your inner critic! Naming this inner critic makes it easier to find healthy ways to call it out and quiet it.
Listen/read opinions that you disagree with! Adopt a posture of openness and non-judgment; productive thinking yields new insights rather than rehearsing old standards.
Practice writing down three pages of thoughts, then actually throwing them away to get them out of your head! This is so freeing!!!
Watch out for "should" or "ought to" vocabulary - signs your critical voice is in charge!
Get away regularly - go somewhere where you are not responsible for things so that the "shoulds" and "oughts" will step down and you can truly think.
Spouse or someone who cares for a One: give them 30 minutes a day to just verbalize how their day went. This allows them to verbally process their thoughts and get them out of their head.
RESOURCES:
davidstamile.com / "Dependent Stance: Ones"
theenneagramjourney.org / podcast episode 59 "The Enneagram & Repressed Centers"
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