THE DEPENDENT STANCE // Type 6
DEPENDENT STANCE (1's, 2's & 6's) are oriented to the actions of others.
Type Sixes prioritize the Centers of Intelligence into three categories:
FEELING (dominant)
DOING (supportive)
THINKING (repressed)
Sixes, in particular, are consumed by daily schedules and responsibilities. They take in information through the thinking center (they're in the in the Thinking/Head Triad), but they do not use thinking to process or interpret the information. Therefore, this is not productive thinking.
For Sixes, this non-productive thinking is based on living in an "unsafe world" of anxiety and feeling like you can't escape. They spend their thinking time planning for things that most likely will never happen. It's the thoughts rattling around in the brain like 1's and 2's!
Sixes respond to their environment by feeling then doing, which means they desire to respond to life’s situations with care and concern. However, with the thinking center repressed, Sixes have trouble guiding or evaluating their response.
Sixes respond to life by gathering information from everyone, but then question whether it is trustworthy. They corroborate the information they have gathered by asking more questions (like the other Dependent Stance numbers, they are verbal processors), failing to realize that this can frustrate others, who can feel personally challenged by their questions.
If Sixes are thinking about things that are not happening right now, then their thinking is non-productive and they are probably ruminating on thoughts that have an emotional hook on them. Sixes (and those trying to help them) attempt to solve problems by attending the facts, but they are unsuccessful because no one identifies the emotional component of life’s questions and problems.
If there is a problem, a Six can get stuck in denying every possible solution as the frustration and anxiety sets in. They need to slow down, take a deep breath, and name the fear or anxiety they're having. Once fear is unmasked, anxiety steps down and thinking is no longer clouded by anxiety and you can be productive again.
As a Six, if you take time to look back, you will realize that you were capable of handling most situations, even if it didn't go to plan! And that most of your plans you haven't had to use.
Okay Sixes...do not lose hope! Let's talk about some ways Sixes can develop their Thinking Center and become more balanced.
GROWTH POINTS FOR SIXES:
You must take time to think through their own beliefs and take a break from their anxious mind and nurture productive thinking. Contemplative prayer is an invaluable practice for any Six who desires to disengage from an anxious mind.
Nurture productive thinking! Practice thinking productively by analyzing a situation that seems simple and non-threatening. When this is not possible, journal or process with a friend who can help you distinguish between thinking and feeling.
Avoid "it could happen" trains of thought or verbalizing. This talk allows the anxiety to creep in and take over.
Practice journaling at the end of the day - write down all your concerns, worries & plans; once a month (only), look back to see what actually happened! Usually, you will find that the world is a safer place than you believed, and when something came up that needed to be handled, you were capable of handling it (even if it wasn't to plan)!
Ask loved ones to be patient with your processing - Sixes tend to have a lot of unwarranted/unreasonable anxiety. It helps for loved ones to not be dismissive of these thoughts...it only exacerbates the problem!
Spouse or friend of a Six: help them slow down and identify their anxiety. Many times, once it is named and felt, it is no longer a threat and easier to move past. And be patient with their processing! Impatience will exacerbate the problem!
RESOURCES:
davidstamile.com / "Dependent Stance: Sixes"
theenneagramjourney.org / podcast episode 59 "The Enneagram & Repressed Centers"
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